Welcome to Gadget Dreams and Nightmares, the column that would hold discussions on nuclear relations with North Korea were it not for all those new gadget announcements that sap up all our time instead.
In our secret silo his time around are the latest Samsung flagship smartphones; a phone that goes an entirely different direction from being your complete portal into the world; and a water dispenser that, incredibly, is connected to the Internet. Yes, we're as shocked as you are that companies want to hook up their devices to the information superhighway.
As always, these are not reviews, as no matter how much we'd like to quench our thirst, we have yet to try any of these items. Neither are the ratings indicators of quality -- they merely point at how much I'd like to play around with each gizmo.

Galactic Empire

Oh, look, it's a new flagship smartphone duo from Samsung. Shockingly enough, they're called the "Galaxy S9" and "Galaxy S9+" (pictured above). They have a similar appearance to the previous year's models, but there are also a few differences, such as a new camera and stereo speakers.
There's a 960-frames-per-second slow motion mode, and there's the option to add music to clips or turn them into GIFs. An adjustable aperture accounts for how much light there is in the field of view and can be adjusted accordingly for sharper photos.
And, just as you can do with the iPhone X's Animoji, you can create emoji that look just like you, which I'm sure will be a massive selling point for [checks notes] someone, somewhere. Not I.
Beyond fingerprint recognition, the S9 can identify its owner through iris or facial recognition to unlock the device. I find the prospect of each unnerving and awkward, and likely would stick to pressing my thumb down on the correct spot.
The S9 has a significant advantage over a lot of the competition by retaining a 3.5mm headphone jack. While it's not enough for me to consider a switch, I sorely miss that in my iPhone 8.
Of course there's a string of other incremental upgrades from the previous phone. It's well designed! I'm sure the screen displays images with incredible clarity! It... doesn't excite me. It's a smartphone, and I'm sure it's an excellent one. But its distinguishing features seem more like baby steps than a giant bound forward.
Rating: 4 out of 5 Emojis That Look Like Me

Light Side



At a time when engineers and executives who have worked on social networks are decrying the effects they're having on us and our minds, I'd wager many people are looking for a phone that has essential functions and removes the temptations to refresh feeds or plow through emails.